No, being a single parent is not easy. There are issues to be discussed such as isolation, anxiety, depression, even suicidal thoughts. We shouldn’t deny this truth. Social circumstances are a big factor and should be taken into consideration more, on a socioeconomic level.
However, until the needed change occurs, there is something you can do for yourself and discourage anxiety to nestle out of feeling powerless.
Guilt leads you nowhere
Especially when in a situation where we feel powerless and helpless we tend to feel guilt or shame at the same time. Actually, it’s much more likely that this guilt and shame are responsible for that feeling of powerlessness.
How did you let yourself come into this mess? Why can’t you provide for your kids what other parents can? Why can’t you help feeling sad or depressed when your kids need you? These are just some of the words that cross the minds of single parents every day.
A simple reverse in cause and effect may shine a different light on your situation. The feeling of powerlessness comes out of shame and guilt, not the other way around. Reexamining the legitimacy of these feelings will help you regain control over yourself.
Tackle your financial struggles
We can blame everything on finance and say we’re sacrificing leisure so our kids can have their basic needs met. And while it’s true single mothers have it hard when it comes to managing their finances, some of the trouble might be because they’re still walking in other’s shoes.
Manage your perspective first. Look into how other single moms are thriving in their shoes. See what the upsides are and how they can help you grow and expand. Acceptance is not the same as resignation, it is a way towards seeing the unique advantages of your position.
There’s a variety of ways you can grasp your financial state. Especially now that modern society is adapting and moving towards virtual and online work, it is easier to find work at home jobs for moms that provide a legitimate income. Don’t be afraid to seek out new solutions.
Stop comparing yourself to other families
People by nature compare themselves to others, which is sometimes useful because that’s how we learn. Other times, however, it is a source of anxiety, low self-esteem, and negative feelings, and quite often it wreaks havoc on our psyche.
Single moms need to stop comparing themselves to their neighborhood ‘picture perfect’ nuclear families and create their own lifestyle based on their needs.
The thing is, with life-changing advice, it rarely works when it has been imposed on us, and usually always works when we give it to ourselves. So when it comes to how you should run your life, only you can know which choices feel right. Work on your confidence to express these choices as clearly as possible. Here, a few like-minded friends and other single moms (preferably by choice) can be of tremendous help with feeling secure in your own decisions and boosting your confidence.
You can’t afford emotional bypassing
Mothers in general, but single moms more often get entangled in this mindset that they must put aside their personal wants and needs. And I’m not going to lie, this is true. But being selfless is not the same as suppressing whatever it is you need emotionally.
Emotions have a purpose, and that is to guide you, give you significant signals and cues on what needs to be changed in your life. And every time you ignore these signals, your mental well being deteriorates.
It can be as simple as boredom, but the fact remains. You need to accept and face whatever it is you’re feeling as it is the only way to move towards healthy solutions and gaining the energy you need and deserve.
Other people give you limits. The thing about being single is that all the responsibility falls only on you. And responsibility gives control and power over your situation, which is the best kind of freedom you can have. So make the most of it.
