today you are twelve :: a letter to my daughter on her 12th birthday

It’s funny how things can seem a lifetime ago and just yesterday all at the same time. Just a few days before you were born I was on a flight from Michigan back to our home in North Carolina. My dad had been in a car accident and I had spent a month at his bedside in the hospital, praying for a miracle that didn’t happen. I was exhausted–physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I had to say goodbye to my dad and was grieving not just my loss but yours.  And then you surprised us, a few weeks early, like you knew we couldn’t wait to find a reason to smile.  You had a plan of your own (and, still, you always have a plan of your own).

Since that day you were born, so much has happened.  So much has changed.  And you are still making us smile. You are developing your own personality, your own goals and dreams.  And I can’t wait to watch you achieve them.  But I have goals and dreams for you, too.  Goals that have little to do with your future career or spouse and everything to do with who you are and how you treat others.  Because you’re coming upon a time in your life when it takes a lot of courage to do what’s right.

Be the light.  It’s so easy to say but so hard to really do.  Remember that your light might be the only light in someone’s day.  Try your hardest to reflect God’s love.  When I was in high school, a girl asked to sit next to me at lunch.  I said “No, another friend is sitting here.” And while it may have been true, it really was no excuse.  Here was a girl who sat alone most days, who I’m sure had to work up the courage to even ask to sit with someone, and I said “No”.  Looking back, I could have easily gotten up and switched tables (like Summer in Wonder), but instead I took the easy way out.  Don’t take the easy way out.  (It might still haunt you when you’re 40 years old!)

Know you are loved.  As you are that much closer to the teen years, disagreements between us are going to become more and more frequent.  You’ll think we are too strict. Too demanding. Expect way too much from you.  You won’t always (or often) like the decisions we make for you.  And while you may not understand or agree, know that we make these decisions with love and with the best of intentions.

You will succeed.  And you will fail.  And through all of that, we will stick with you.  We will rejoice in the tests you ace, races you win and mountains you climb.  And we will help you through the times when nothing seems to go your way. Even if a failure seems huge and you can’t think of a way out, we will be there (like it or not).

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  If you ever feel like you don’t fit in or you aren’t pretty enough or smart enough or funny enough, remember that you were made with a purpose. God created you with talents and gifts that make you uniquely you!  It’s not always easy to accept who you are, but once you do, I really believe you can change the world.

Sweet Rowan, I am so proud of you and am so glad you made me a mom twelve years ago.  You are a great big sister, wildly creative and always enthusiastic.  I hope twelve brings you so much joy. I can’t wait to enjoy this last year before you are a teenager.