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Chaos-free co-parenting is possible when you make some adjustments and accommodations, and even get help from others. Of course, there is always the chance of friction, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare with heated arguments every other day. From using a shared calendar to establishing some consistent handover rules, here are some changes that can help.
Draft a Co-Parenting Handbook
While both parents don’t need to do the exact same job or interact with the kids in the same way, there should be some basic expectations for what to do in certain situations. As an agreement of sorts, a family law attorney can help you draft guidelines that both parties can sign. This can be a major help with some of parenting’s biggest challenges such as getting the kids to do homework, non-negotiable bedtimes and rules, and setting boundaries for screens.
Use a Centralized and Shared Calendar
When parents go their separate ways, they each begin to live their own lives. With the children in the middle, there will of course be clashes when it comes to schedules. These can be a major source of arguments that everyone loses. Fortunately, there are some excellent online tools such as calendar apps that can help sync schedules and avoid mishaps. Apps like Google Calendar can color-code swap dates, highlight school holidays, and plan parents’ evenings.
Chaos-Free Co-Parenting with Apps
Most people use apps for all kinds of things today, and the average smartphone user checks their apps 38 times per day. There are many apps that can help with everyday life, such as apps designed for busy women, time-saving apps, and yes, co-parenting apps. Apps like OurFamilyWizard and Cozi can help remove some of the friction of co-parenting, with features such as tone meters to avoid heated messaging, expense tracking, and shared schedules.
Establish a Consistent Handover Routine
Handovers from one parent to another, such as after the weekend, can be one of the biggest sources of arguments. There might still be some anger and resentment, which presents itself when you see each other at these times. However, this doesn’t do anyone, including the kids, any good. You can make this less stressful with a consistent routine that includes the children packing their bags, warm greetings from parents, and ensuring the kids have their essentials.
Stay Away from Big Unilateral Decisions
One of the biggest sources of resentment when separated is making co-parenting decisions without the other parent’s consent. This often revolves around big decisions such as what will happen during the holidays. However, this is a somewhat selfish act that only ignites arguments and hostility. It can help to schedule meetings every season where you can both calmly discuss the arrangements and logistical items such as summer camps, appointments, and vacations.
Summary
Drafting an agreement that works for both parties as much as the kids can help with chaos-free co-parenting moving forward. You can also use apps such as Cozi that can help with messaging and scheduling, and both parties can avoid extra friction by making big decisions together.
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