Raising a serious problem with HR ranks somewhere near a root canal on the list of things you would rather skip. This could be a coworker who keeps on crossing the line and not respecting your boundaries, or maybe a manager who treats you unfairly. Feeling vulnerable when raising an issue is completely normal. The secret to getting a great outcome is preparation. Know what you want to say, and walk out of that meeting with your head held high.
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Get Clear On What You Actually Want
Many people call on HR to raise an issue, but when they arrive, they don’t really know what they want to say, or what the real problem is other than how you feel about it. There is nothing wrong with that, but this often leads to vague outcomes. Take a moment to think about what you want to happen as a result of this meeting. Do you want certain behavior(s) to stop? Do you want a work schedule modified? Or do you simply want to get some information on the formal HR record? Once you have determined the desired outcomes for the meeting, then you will be able to stay on track with the meeting and avoid getting sidetracked by your nervousness. The process also helps you to distinguish between your emotions and the facts/evidence. HR usually responds better to specifics than general work frustration.
Write It Down Before You Walk In
Our memories are notoriously unreliable under pressure, so you’ll be wise not only to get your story straight, but to get it on paper. The details about the situation: when it occurred, who was involved, who witnessed the events, will help support your case. HR has a much greater difficulty in dismissing a documented history of specific details versus a vague account based solely on memory. The mental preparation can be just as valuable as the documentation preparation. This piece on how to mentally prepare for a hard conversation is a solid place to start.
Keep Your Cool When It Counts
Emotions and logic are two old enemies; they don’t do well together. It is only natural to feel emotional when unwarranted things happen to you at work. A neutral, objective tone is much more effective at achieving results than an emotional one. Instead of making personal opinions about people’s actions during an incident, talk about what happened instead. Ask for a description of how the situation will be handled going forward, and request in writing (via email) a summary of all agreements made. Don’t let HR stall you or push back; stand firm on your request. Take your time to answer their questions, think carefully, and speak truthfully.
When the Problem Is Bigger Than HR
Sadly, some situations require more than an internal fix. If you’re being harassed because of your protected characteristics like sex, pregnancy, age, or any others, you are looking at the federal standard for workplace harassment, not just a personality clash. If you’re being sexually harassed, talking with a sexual harassment attorney can help you understand your rights before you raise an issue. Getting outside advice is not an overreaction; it is you protecting your family and your future.
Walking In Stronger Than You Walked Up
Hard conversations are just that, hard. Hard discussions are difficult by definition. You do not need to be fond of having these types of discussions to have the ability to manage them successfully. Establishing what you would prefer as an outcome from your discussion, arriving at your meeting with a documented account, keeping your cool, and knowing when to seek outside assistance will allow you to transform this nervousness into movement toward where you want to go. Speaking up for yourself is a skill, and like any skill, it gets steadier every time you use it.
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