Photo by nappy: https://www.pexels.com/photo/parents-looking-at-their-baby-3584088/
It’s clear that becoming a parent changes everything (often in wonderful ways), and while much of the focus naturally goes to the baby and the person who gave birth, partners can sometimes feel lost in the shuffle trying to figure out where they fit into all of this. You want to be supportive and helpful, but it’s not always clear what your partner needs or how you can make it easier during this intense period of adjustment. They should do the same for you, of course.
After all, the postpartum phase is physically and emotionally demanding for the person who just gave birth, and they’re going to need your support in ways that might not be obvious to begin with. As such, your role during these weeks and months is crucial, not just for your partner’s wellbeing but for building a foundation as co-parents who help one another out.
Understanding what helps and what doesn’t comes with time, but there are some universal truths about supporting your partner after childbirth worth knowing. In this post, we’ll explore the ways you can show up for them during this vulnerable time, even when it feels a bit strained. Don’t worry, that’s normal.
Take Ownership Of Household Tasks
The dishes, laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping of course needs to keep happening but your partner shouldn’t be the one managing or doing any of it right now. Their body is recovering from a major physical event and they’re feeding a baby every few hours, so taking over the running of the household can be a massive benefit. Don’t wait to be asked or given instructions, just see what needs doing and do it.
For example, this includes noticing when you’re running low on milk, seeing that the rubbish needs taking out, and realizing the baby’s laundry is piling up. It can help to look up simple recipes, watch tutorials on folding fitted sheets, or following advice from your own parents.
Protect Their Rest Time
Sleep is the most precious currency when you have a newborn, which usually means your partner needs every minute they can get. If the baby is bottle-feeding or taking expressed milk, take some of the night feeds so your partner can get longer stretches of sleep. If they’re breastfeeding exclusively, you can still handle the nappy/diaper changes, the settling back to sleep, and bringing the baby to them so they don’t have to get up.
During the day, take the baby for short walks or keep them entertained in another room so your partner can nap without feeling like they need to be on alert is a lovely act. Sometimes just knowing someone else is fully responsible for the baby makes it possible to relax and fall asleep.
Handle Visitors And Outside Communication
Managing well-meaning family and friends who want to visit or check in can be lovely, but also a bit much you’re both adjusting to your new routine. You can help by being the main point of contact, deciding when visitors come over and keeping visits at a comfortable length. Your partner will appreciate not having to host or make small talk when they’re tired and still finding their feet with the baby.
This also means handling phone calls and text messages from people wanting updates, which is lovely, but can be full on. If you can, send group messages with photos, respond to questions, and generally take care of the communication side of things. Your partner will feel less pressure to reply to everyone when they’re already stretched thin. As you may have discussed the ideas for announcing pregnancy, you can also discuss when to announce the arrival of your little one to your wider group of contacts outside of your family.
Check In On Their Physical Recovery
Birth is a big deal physically, and healing takes time depending on how everything went with the delivery. Ask your partner how they’re feeling, if anything hurts or doesn’t seem quite right, if there’s anything they need that would make them more comfortable. They might not bring it up on their own because they’re so focused on the baby or perhaps they just don’t want to be a bother, but checking in shows you’re thinking about their wellbeing too and that it matters to you.
You’ll probably find yourself helping with getting to postpartum appointments, keeping track of any medications they need to take, and encouraging rest when they’re pushing themselves harder than they should. If breastfeeding isn’t going smoothly, support whatever they decide about getting help or trying something different and remember to keep them feeling worthy, because it can impact a mother’s confidence. Your role is to back them up on choices about their body and how they want to feed your baby, making sure they know you’re on their side whatever they choose. It’s a huge help to do this and can bring you closer together.
Maintain The Partnership
Life will obviously center around the baby right now and that’s natural, but keep in mind that you’re still a couple working through this together. If you have small moments to connect it does matter, be that sitting together with morning coffee while the baby naps or just talking about how things are going for both of you. You’re both deal with this this huge change, and staying tuned into each other makes it feel more manageable and less isolating. Keep in mind some things might be different for a little while though, such as physical intimacy for example.
Let your partner know you see what they’re doing and appreciate the effort they’re putting in every single day. They’re doing something amazing caring for your baby, and hearing that you notice and value them can be a really lovely think to continually affirm. You don’t have to go over the top of course, but it’s wonderful to have that connection which feels natural and as a grounding of positive feeling.
With this advice, we hope you can continue to look after your partner as well as your little one. You’ll also find they do the same for you.
